March 25 Post from my Defunct MySpace site

OK, I just finished studying and keep having this cool thought/experience in my head. It's at the end of my quarter and I've been feeling huge pressure with all these paper deadlines over my head. It's seemed that no matter how well I planned my week to allow study, crazy things would come up, ranging from work demands to travel nightmares (I have a travel story that defines bad trips) to throwing out my back. Then, to top it off, I think my kids were forgetting who I was. The stress I was feeling was getting me to the point of almost just shutting down - you know, going into a "does-not-compute" mode with everything.

It was right about then that I read Psalm 143 from the Bible. It says,
Hear my prayer, O LORD; listen to my plea! Answer me because you are faithful and righteous. Don't bring your servant to trial! Compared to you, no one is perfect. My enemy has chased me. He has knocked me to the ground. He forces me to live in darkness like those in the grave. I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear. I remember the days of old. I ponder all your great works. I think about what you have done. I reach out for you. I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain. Come quickly, LORD, and answer me, for my depression deepens. Don't turn away from me, or I will die. Let me hear of your unfailing love to me in the morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I have come to you in prayer. Save me from my enemies, LORD; I run to you to hide me. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing. For the glory of your name, O LORD, save me. In your righteousness, bring me out of this distress. In your unfailing love, cut off all my enemies and destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.

Isn't that awesome? It really spoke to me. I was feeling knocked to the ground with all the things demanded of me and had to fight off being paralized by my fear of not being able to do everything (I have this huge fear of failure). The part where it says, "I think about Your great works" reminded me to remember how God's brought me through crazy times in the past. It reminded me that He isn't just this guy I read about in the Bible but that I've experienced the difference He's made in my life. It took my focus off everything in front of me and reminded me that He can give me the strength to push through everything.

I love the ending part where David (the author of the Psalm) says teach me Your will. To be honest, I wasn't thinking that way. I was pretty selfish and thinking what to I need to do to get me out of this stress... and that's it. I wasn't thinking of anyone else. I pray that I can have a focus on God so strong that no matter what struggles I'm in, I can still want to learn more of what God wants for me.

Enough of me rambling. I need to get to bed. For those at Bethany Church tomorrow, I'll see you in the barn. For those not there, come by sometime.

Peace,

Rob