Squeezed but not Strangled

OK – so when I stared this blog, I wanted it to be a time where I could share how God’s been real to me. Things like insights I get while reading, studying, or during time with God. Things like insights I see around me that connect with scripture. I didn’t realize it would be like praying for patience – you never do it because you’ll be stretched so much, you’ll appreciate the level of patience you had. I never expected it would involve the events of the last few months.

For those of you who know us, you’re aware of many of these things. In May, my wife found a few suspicious lumps. In June, we found out they were breast cancer. Talk about sending us for a tailspin. Nothing like this was ever on our radar. How do you even process your wife having a disease that could be life-threatening? How do you keep doing everything else you’re supposed to do when your foundational support is threatened?

I can’t even begin to share how God has spoken to us in this time. Two days prior to getting DaNae’s biopsy results, I was reading my Bible for some encouragement and praying and felt God say, “Don’t worry about the results. I’m bigger than anything the doctors can tell you.” At the time, I thought He was giving me some peace as we worried in a time of unknown. You see, DaNae’s biopsy was the week before and we were waiting for results. The unknown was killing us – we had never expected her appointments to progress this far. We knew 80% of the biopsies they did came back clear. This gave us confidence that all would be ok but the emotional reality was that the uncertainty was consuming both of us. How do you turn off that voice in your head that keeps telling you the worst-case scenario? I felt a lot of peace after this time with God and felt I could release my anxiety to him. Two days later, I found myself drawing on this for a whole different rationale. Cancer was now a part of our life. I found myself drawing on God’s ‘don’t worry’ message over and over again.

Another way God spoke to us was in a comment a friend made to DaNae as we told our community. Charla mentioned to her that “God wasn’t surprised by this.” It was one of those remarks that the person doesn’t remember saying, yet God uses in a profound way. These five (or six) words gave us an anchor. If God wasn’t surprised by this, then maybe we could still rely on Him. Maybe there’s a bigger picture. Instead of getting caught in poor-me syndrome, maybe we could see a larger perspective in the scheme of things. Even as I sit here and think about this (over 4 months later), I feel the strength of those words. To me, it means God really is Sovereign. It’s not just an academic word anymore. I have faith because I know I can rely on him despite the circumstances in front of us.

I could go on and on regarding other ways God has spoken to us. My son, Caleb, is great at reminding us that we have nothing to fear. The night we told him, he put his arms on both DaNae and I and prayed for us (by the way, did I say he was 8?). DaNae does an incredible job of putting these to words in her carepage (you can email me for instructions on how to get to it if you to read more).

On a separate note, I’ve been reading a devotional by Anthony De Mello called A Way to Love. This is one of those devotional books that you read in the morning and chew on throughout the day. Thanks, Dann, for giving this to me! That alone would be worth our meeting each other. More on this later.